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‘I ask that my father end the nightmares that haunt us’ Home Staff
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18/12/2009 The Times, Nuray Guler
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Tulay Goren was my beloved sister. She was only 15 years old and in the spring of her life when she was taken from us.
Tulay was caught in the middle of two clashing worlds. At home she was expected to be a dutiful Turkish daughter, whilst out of the family home she was exposed to a lifestyle that was at odds with her upbringing. At the same time our mother struggled to make ends meet, she coped the best way she could with my father, Mehmet, and his many issues.
In 1998 Tulay wanted to leave home. She had grown into a determined girl who knew her own mind and, aged in her most difficult years, she clashed with her family over this issue. Here again, so much of our tradition and custom stood in the way of what Tulay ultimately wanted.
Tulay was last seen on the morning of January 7, 1999. In the last hours of her life my brother Tuncay, who was only 8 at the time, was told to kiss his sister goodbye for the last time. He was told that he would never see her again. I know that this moment has haunted him ever since.
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Tulay did not simply vanish into thin air that day, she was my sister and I loved her. Hatice loved her, as did her mother and her brother, Tuncay. If she were alive I know for a fact she would, without any doubt, have found a way of making contact with us.
The death of Hatice in a car crash in 2006 was a second tragic event that left us wondering if we are cursed in some way.
My mother does not even have the strength to come to court. She cannot think about anything apart from how different her life will be. She was required to marry at the age of 15. She had no choice in this and throughout her married life it was expected she would behave as a loyal wife.
In taking this action, she has confronted and accused the men of our family. No one should fail to realise what this means within our culture. These people do not forget. For my father, I have only one request. I ask that he disclose the whereabouts of my sister.
I wake up at night wondering where Tulay may be and in quiet moments, I ask if she suffered or knew what was in store for her. I ask that my father put an end to the nightmares that haunt us and allow us to retrieve Tulay in order that she may rest in peace alongside her sister, Hatice.
My mother and I have a message for women who feel they have no voice. Let them find the courage to come forward to the authorities and speak out.
It is our hope that people will read about this case. We hope they will learn something of the honour code and that as a result no more Tulays will fall victim to this primitive custom.”
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